Let me introduce you to a couple of crazy guys I met named Stew and B-Bone. We'll leave the circumstances around their being here a mystery for now, but suffice to say that they've moved in with me, and they've promised me a pretty eventful summer.
Before we begin, so that you'll understand the incredible cleverness of this title, here are some fun facts for you:
Well... with summer coming to a close, Stew and B-bone were running out of new ways to take on the world. Then thankfully, while we were taking a leisurely drive around the state, Stew came up with a brillant idea!
"I know what we can do!" Stew exclaimed. "Everybody knows that yoopers are too poor to own cars, and even when they find the means, are too stupid to know how to cross a bridge with them," he continued, "So let's go rag on those troll-hating imbreds!"
"Great idea!" B-bone and Josh replied.
B-bone added, "I bet if we drive up to the Mackinac Bridge right now, there will be thousands of people walking across! It figures that since the unemployment office is in Mackinaw City at least a few are on their way over to get that government cheese!"
Let me just say that we were not disappointed!
It was so inspiring to see so many dedicated yoopers waiting so patiently to get their due, that Stew and B-bone thought it was nothing short of their duty to encourage these hard working people.
And encouraged they were!
We were irrevocably captured in the spirit of Socialist giving!
So Stew and B-bone donned their yooper hats..
...and joined in on this gayous frivolity. But being the lazy bunch they are, I had to pack the three kiddos into the stroller before we could get moving.
And to plagiarize a great doctor specializing in hats that are on cats: And oh the sites we saw!
We even got a glimpse Mackinac Island, home of the rich people who don't need a bridge to get to their unemployment office!
Being a jealous sort, B-bone was starting to resent the attention that Mackinac Island was receiving from his friends.
Since he's also the sort who idolized Super Mario Brothers as a child, he always carries around an extra mushroom for situations just list this.
In the mouth goes the mushroom!
King of Mackinac Island B-bone becomes!
Of course, if you were to take the jealous qualities of B-bone, find a way to collapse the infinite universes, combining all of B-bone's begrudging into a single point, you still wouldn't begin to understand the envy of which Stew is capable of carrying.
So for the sake of keeping life and limb, B-bone shared his mushrooms with Stew, and together they grew to enormous proportion and continued on to conquer the bridge.
Geez, were they ever tall! (...pretend like Stew and B-bone aren't in this picture and I'm actually looking up at them towering over the pillars.)
Eventually, the mushrooms wore off, and Stew and B-bone returned to their normal sizes. Being that both are inherently lethargic, lazy and just generally inactive, they were pretty tired at this point. And hungry. Very, very hungry.
But wait: The cheese! Suddenly Stew and B-bone chased after that cheese like yoopers to a pastie! And before you know it, they'd crossed that finish line.
Great job, guys!